Funny Real Estate Stories
Besides great negotiating skills etc., a sense of humor is a necessary ingredient for a successful Realtor. Some of the best agents I know possess this attribute. Some of these stories are mine, some were submitted along the years but all are pretty funny.
Gone With The Wind
About 10 or 11 years ago when I first started selling real estate in Granbury, Texas and when I still had that, "I can do anything by myself....I don't need any help from anybody" mentality, I had a fight with a commercial for sale sign and lost.
I had just gotten a listing for a commercial tract of land. If memory serves it was a pretty decent listing and in that tiny town, those were difficult to come by. So you can imagine my enthusiasm about wanting to get started marketing the property right away.
Well because this was a pretty big tract of land it would only seem fitting for there to be a "pretty big" sign on the property as no little rickety yard sign would do. So I took a peek at what the company had available for commercial signage in our little storage area located in the back of the building.
There was one really, really big sign I knew I would have to pay someone to take over there because the darn thing was on skids and required a truck which would take who knows how long to get out there....(probably years) or I might with some ingenuity be able to get this other big sign out there in my suv but the sign was so big I doubted it would fit. Hmmm...
As usual other people in the office must've smelled that I was up to something because they all started "dropping by" outside to see what was going on. Me....obviously on a mission explained that I was going to get "that" in "there". Me of course thinking that the toughest part of the deed was in fact getting "that" in "there".
Well, I got started. Backed the car up, popped the back open......scooted the sign out...kinda heavy...well...it's all about leverage as Dad used to say...oh I am NOT going to let this sign get the best of me....SHOVE. Hey, cool got it out of it's home and to the car. Another 20 minutes or so in the car.
Now, for those of you who need to understand just how big this sign was. I want you to imagine a Chevy Tahoe. The sign was exactly....I mean without a centimeter to spare the size of the inside of the car. From leg to top of the frame it touched both windshields and all sides of the car. Another perfect description....while standing on the part where you would normally stand to get it in the dirt...if I stood on that then I could wrap my finger tips over the top of the sign...got a good mental picture?
Within the next 10-15 minutes or so, I'm on site with sign and ready to post! Man...it's windy today...I guess I didn't realize how windy it was. Whatever....yank the sign out of the car and look at how far I have to walk with the bloody thing before I arrive at the best appropriate spot...oh, I can do it...march on.
I arrive at the spot after nearly being blown off the face of the earth after learning that if I put the flat side of the sign into the wind, means I will soon end up as the first human kite without a string. But....I made it.
Ok, now all I have to do is get it in the ground. Ok so I'll just hike up my knee and get it on that little foot rest that stands oh say about 3 feet in the air and oh well...hell...are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how easy it is to post a sign in Granbury, Texas? It's 98% rock for starters and they get rain at least 3 times a year there and today was well I dunno day 218 without rain??? Maybe...
Again, I am not going to let this sign get me down. So I hike up the first leg...nope....hike up the other leg...nope...stand...think...hike up the first leg...nope...I got it...on your mark get set....GO! In one leap...I jump land both feet in that blasted little toe holder...I am now standing on top of the world...uh oh...wait...my foot is stuck and I am falling forward.......BOOM!
I have managed to fall face down on top of the sign on one of the busiest highways in my town.
The best part for me I guess is that I know...for a fact...nobody saw me. How do I know you may ask...because there are only two possible reactions should you see this happen live.
- You laugh so hard you wreck your car.
- You're so concerned about whether or not the idiot who just did that is alive you stop the car and ask if they need assistance.
Neither of which happened...thank GOD!
Open Houses Are For The Birds! (Submitted by Claire Licciardi) In a response to a John R. Wood open house survey I compile for my colleagues Claire reported she had 18 couples through her open condo with one couple writing an offer on another property within the same development. Here's what else she reported:
"In addition to the 18 couples ( I had the front door propped open) and in walked a beautiful Blue Heron who proceeded to walk down the hall and then when he saw me flew into the closed glass sliders to the lanai. As the stunned bird sat on the carpet by the sliders I tried to open them and he then flew to the kitchen and sat on top of the refrigerator. After opening all the doors I was able to get him to fly back by the lanai and using a rug, get him out the back door." She later included the fact that she saw the Blue Heron later that afternoon and he appeared to be in good condition despite the adventure he'd experienced earlier.
Clear Title??? (An email submitted from a colleague) A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title.
While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented it, you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
Actual Letter): "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received.
I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application.
I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.
The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana.
God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA.
I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"
He got the loan.
Nudist Camp??? I had the opportunity to work with a couple who were searching for 20 acres so they could start a camp. After searching through MLS I found a property matching their description made the appointment and agreed to meet the two of them with their 12 year old daughter closer to the property. After arranging the showing with the listing company I received a call from the listing agent's assistant who confirmed the appointment and asked what kind of car I'd be driving. Puzzled by the question I responded, "what kind of car would you like me to be driving"? She casually responded by saying, "well, we've had a lot of rain out there and that road can be a little wet so if you have an SUV or something like that, it may be better". I said, "No problem".
I arrived at our meeting place early so I took a drive down the road to make sure I could find the property easily. Interestingly enough, the road that was described as "a little wet" was completely flooded in some places all the way up to the houses on both sides of the street. Between 3 and 4 feet of water stood in many areas. I thought to myself...oh no...how on earth am I going to be able to get through this one gracefully?
When I reached the gated entrance to the property, I noticed a sign on the entry intercom that read: Please call number before entering. After dialing the number a lady answered the phone. I told her who I was and told her my customers would be arriving within the next few minutes. She replied, "Yeah?...When the real estate office called to tell me you were coming I agreed to show it but I didn't think about what today is." I said, "ok, so what does that mean"? She said, "Well, it's Saturday and we are running a nudist camp here and some of our guests are already here for the day and I really don't want to tell them to put their clothes back on". I thought the surprise challenge of the day was going to be the road issue??? So I replied, "They're going to be here within 3 minutes with their 12 year old daughter so I think that announcement needs to happen pretty quick. She hesitantly agreed.
I met they buyers at the prearranged meeting point shortly after. As I was driving them through all of that swampy water I explained our "clothing optional" situation and suggested that we might let their daughter hang tight near the car until I could insure the "coast was clear". Fortunately for me, the coast was clear and everybody was nice enough to allow my customers the opportunity to see only what they "came to see". Needless to say the buyers didn't purchase the property due to the undisclosed road conditions but fortunately for me they continued their search with me. Moral of the story??? Never trust an agent who asks what kind of car you'll be showing property in....
Flying Tree Frogs- I had a newly transferred salesman who expressed an interest in one of my listings. I quickly figured out he was going to be the type of buyer who had to look at EVERYTHING there was to possibly see including the attic, corners of the garage, inside every drawer and cabinet...at one point I almost felt like I had attended a property inspection instead of a showing. After spending about 45 minutes in the backyard checking out the pool, pool equipment, fence etc. we went back in to see the rest of the house. When he walked in the master bedroom he noticed a tree frog stuck to the outside of the glass slider. I said, "oh please don't open the door", knowing full well that if he did he could squish it between the two glass doors. He didn't listen and sure enough opened the door and now this frog is stuck between both doors. If he tried to close the door the frog could get smashed in the bottom of the door or even worse he could get inside the house. I encouraged him to leave the door open so hopefully the frog would jump out while he toured the rest of the home. About 20 minutes later I went back to check on our "evil" tree frog since his original position had since moved as he was no longer in sight. I couldn't find him in between the glass anywhere and just as I had hoped maybe he had escaped while we weren't looking. Before closing the glass door and locking it so we could continue the showing, I bent down closer to the track of the door to make sure he was in fact gone so I didn't kill it. Can you believe that frog did NOT escape he had been waiting ever so patiently for me to arrive. He catapulted between the two doors and landed in my HAIR! I screamed at the top of my lungs and flailed around...swung my hair towards the backyard and last I saw that frog was airborne high so high he probably hit ground in Miami. My young prospect was found rolling on the carpet back in the bedroom obviously hysterical at the vision of what was a very poised Realtor turned distraught. Even though the showing lasted around 21/2 hours he ended up renting closer to town. Turned out to be a good thing for him...he ended up getting transferred again within 6 months. As for the frog....he's probably still trying to get back to Naples.
Vacant, Go Show!- (submitted by a colleague) I am sure I am not the only agent to go to a vacant house and find out it is not really vacant! I went with my husband and father in tow Thanksgiving week many years ago to preview a house for a client of mine who had been looking for several months. She had promised that as soon as I found her a house, she would list her house with me so I was working diligently. I did the lockbox numbers after knocking on the door and no one answered. I opened the door and saw a turkey in a roasting pan by the door (thawing for someone's dinner - obviously. That was my first clue someone was in the house but there was no furniture. I heard a shower running somewhere and started calling out "is anybody home"? This man came out dripping wet with a very small red had towel covering his family jewels and stated that I could show the house and that he was going back to his shower. There was somebody else in the shower with him so I just left. I will never forget the shock of finding someone in a vacant house. The owner forgot to tell the other agent that their friend was there for the weekend only. I always make a grand entrance to "vacant" houses because you don't know who might be in there.
Get Me Out Of Here! (submitted by a colleague) I showed a coach home in Pelican Landing that had a pool next door, my clients loved it and wanted to see more of the pool area and the back of the house. So we all went in and ooops the door was locked on us and of course I didn't have a key so we had to move a table over and climb on it to get out. They still loved that home though.
Swimming Anyone? (submitted by a colleague) I had a client who wanted to see the beach. We drove up, she took off her dress (which was over her bikini) she then proceeded to jog to the beach and go for a swim. I was in the car with her dumbfounded husband waiting. She came back after about 10 minutes put her dress back over, slid off the bathing suit and proceeded to dry it on the arms of my car. Needless to say I took the kooky couple back home.
Say My Name!!! (submitted by a colleague) I had been hosting an open house and although traffic was light, I had a couple come through who seemed to really like it. They spent a lot of time going through each room and I thought I might be getting close to writing a contract for them. They were there for about 45 minutes and he especially seemed very interested in the property pointing out to his wife all of the custom features that peaked his interest. Finally, we got done looking at the house and the gentleman said "Karen, did you see how beautiful the crown molding was throughout the house"? and she replied, "yes I did and you need to stop calling me by the name of your ex-wife". Needless to say, the last I saw of them as they were walking down the driveway was the two of them having a conversation that looked less than comfortable for both of them.
Do you have a funny real estate story? I want to hear it! Email Me!
